She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You took a bar mat shot.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
