before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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