my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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