You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
