I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
soo... how was my night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
