Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
