I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
