i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
