i will never coherently bang her
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
