btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
