when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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