First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
