Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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