No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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