i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
