she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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