I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
