i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
