just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
