whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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