your thong is hanging out like whoa
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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