i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
