So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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