I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love having hate sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
