The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
