but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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