I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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