eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
