True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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