So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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