and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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