I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
