you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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