Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
