You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
