and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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