i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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