my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
