You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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