No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
