I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
