Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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