I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
