no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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