I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm really into asian looking animals
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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