so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
