Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
