Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
