hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
