Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize