he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
