if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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