It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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