it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
