How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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