Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
