Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
