I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
