I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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