as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
