We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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