went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
