she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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