i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
