My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
