You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize