i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
