so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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