Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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