dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
