I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
