I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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