well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
