Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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