it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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