just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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