My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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