Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
